I don't make any sense

I'm sorry about earlier today. I didn't mean to rush you out so fast but I suddenly felt pressed upon. I got a terrible feeling like I was trapped. Part of it may have been that I wanted to see some of my friends in the little time I have on the weekends, but that doesn't excuse my behavior. I love you all the same but I needed some time to do things I wanted to do. This doesn't seem to sound quite right. Perhaps it was something like I need some space. I don't know, but there were two feelings in me that were incredibly confusing. One wanted to hold you close, while the other didn't want to push you away it just wanted to do what it wanted to do. It's like when we would sit around, you'd watch T.V. or read or do what ever it is you enjoy doing while I'd read, or play video games, or do something on my computer or what ever I enjoy doing. I wanted to be with you but I didn't necessarily want to do what you were doing. This is so horribly confusing. I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Example: We were watching T.V. but I wanted to use my computer and play games with Jason. I didn't want you to leave but I needed a break from doing things exclusively with you but I had to because you had traveled all of the way out here so that you could do stuff with me not just sit around while I did fun stuff. I'm not even sure if I should be telling you this. The best way to say it may be that I needed some space but not so much that you need to go out the door, just a few feet. At the time though it felt like the only way I could do what I wanted to do was to get rid of you.

If this is understandable than I don't need a disclaimer. If it isn't than please accept my apology, I'll try to explain it over the phone, and remember that I still love as much as I ever did. You are the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and my life as become so much happier because of you. I love you and I don't want to lose you.